Last weekend I had the opportunity to have dinner with a close friend Friday night and lunch with my siblings on Sunday. My brother and sister live on opposite coasts, so this was a relatively rare event.
It was a weekend full of laughs, stories, and love. And regret.
A side effect of living in one’s own head is constantly questioning everything. Unfortunately, the memories of spending time with people I love over a great lunch or a wonderful night are immediately overshadowed by regrets over the dumb, pedantic, or misguided things that I said.
Everything is great until I’m in the train on the way home or wake up in my bed the next morning, obsessively replaying the conversations and lasering in on something stupid that came tumbling out of my mouth.
Of course, this doesn’t only apply to catching up with loved ones. I’ve walked away from meetings, dinners, job interviews, business lunches, even kids’ birthday parties wondering why I said that dumb thing I said.
Rather than leaving these encounters with the warm glow of spending time with those closest to me — something that is never guaranteed and should be cherished, particularly considering the past two years— I instead perseverate on how I conducted myself and how everyone else is probably uncomfortable and embarrassed for me.
Meanwhile, the truth is that they’re probably not even thinking about me in the slightest. They’re thinking about what’s going on in their lives.
After all, when I replay what was said, do I think about them? Or just myself?
Christopher Pierznik is the worst-selling author of nine books. Check out more of his writing at Medium. His work has appeared on XXL, Cuepoint, Business Insider, The Cauldron, Fatherly, Hip Hop Golden Age, and many more. Follow him on Facebook or Twitter. Please feel free to get in touch at CPierznik99@gmail.com.
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