I’m bothered by what I call micro-annoyances far more than I should be. These are small, insignificant things that don’t matter and aren’t worth even addressing, but can pile up to become an avalanche of annoying.
Basically, it’s the same sort of thing Larry David has been exploring on television for almost thirty-five years.
I’m not nearly as good as he is, but I have made a list of my own micro-annoyances that keep coming up in my daily life that I want to vent out into the world.
Here they are, in no particular order…
– Conversation fact-checkers
These people that feel the need to correct minor things in a casual conversation.
Example: Me: “It was cold yesterday, like 35 degrees.” Other person: “Actually, it was 37.”
Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was under oath when discussing the temperature. My apologies.
– Adding an ‘S’ unnecessarily (and incorrectly)
This may be only a northeast, particularly NYC-area, thing, but there are people that add an ‘S’ to the end of proper nouns even though there are giant signs that show how they are spelled and pronounced correctly.
Example: “Barnes and Nobles”; “Paneras”; “Meek Mills”; etc.
Whenever someone does this, I think they’re very dumbs.
– Waiting ten minutes for the best parking spot when there are hundreds only a few feet away
This is definitely a north Jersey thing.
Example: People will drive around the half-filled Shoprite parking lot and, upon seeing someone approach their parked car, wait until that person unloads all of their bags, returns the cart, starts the car, and drives away so that they can take the spot. Meanwhile, there were three open spots six feet away.
I can’t tell if this is laziness, entitlement, or some sort of competition — probably a combination of the three.
– Saliva sharers
People that feel the need to place their saliva all over public or shared things.
Example: Licking your finger to separate printout pages; Licking your knife at dinner, particularly at a restaurant; Licking your pencil to write (aside: is there any proof that this actually works?)
Keep your spit to yourself.
– Creatives who put their non-creative spouses and kids in their projects
It’s wonderful that you love your wife, but she can’t act, so don’t cast her in your film. It’s clear you’re a proud parent, but I bought your album to listen to you, not your three-year-old.
Example: REDACTED
I had a few examples listed here, but I removed them to be nice. If you’ve consumed any pop culture over the last thirty-five years I’m sure you know who I’m talking about or can even provide additional examples of your own.
– Using Twitter or Quora to ask questions that are easily googleable
This baffles me.
Example: Who wrote Hamilton (the musical)?; Who sang “When Doves Cry”?
Those are real. Entering the same exact question into the Google search bar would have yielded the answer you’re requesting and saved you time and effort.
– People talking to me about the book I’m actively trying to read
I think this is a nervous habit of socially awkward people, but it’s no less annoying.
Example: I’m sitting in a waiting room, reading a book. Another person: “Oh, it’s nice to see someone reading. You see so few books these days. What book is it? What’s it about? Is it good?”
I brought a book to read, but also to avoid pedantic conversations like these. Also, I don’t know if it’s good or not because you’re preventing me from actually reading it.
And, finally, some quick-hits:
– Willfully watching SD channels instead of HD
This doesn’t look fuzzy to you?
– Discarding the clip or twist tie and tying up the bag
This is creating more work for both you and the next person that needs to untie (and then retie) the bag. Do you think you know more than the manufacturer?
– Standing up when the plane lands
Where are you going? We’re all trying to leave; none of us live here. Wait your turn.
– Clapping when the movie ends
You realize the actors and director can’t hear you, right? Are you applauding the projectionist?
That’s just a sampling of small things that bother me. Feel free to drop yours in the comments — or futilely defend yourself if you feel like one of mine were about you.
Christopher Pierznik is the worst-selling author of nine books. His work has appeared on XXL, Cuepoint, Business Insider, The Cauldron, Fatherly, Hip Hop Golden Age, and many more. Find more of his writing at Medium and connect on Facebook. Please feel free to get in touch at CPierznik99@gmail.com.
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